…when those things are idiotic!
One of those days. It started well, plenty of time to head down the M40 and get to Staines. Google Maps kindly estimated my ETA as 08:47, it wasn’t too far off and traffic generally gets worse as the morning moves along.
For 95% of my journey I was travelling over 60. The last 5 miles was just a crawl.
However once I was a simple 1.4 miles from my destination, at precisely 08:56, I made the first mistake…I got stuck in the far left lane having just come of Junction 13 of the M25. I took the left exit and was then treated to a wonderful detour trough Staines town centre to get to my destination.
So after ringing my colleague to get some idea of where to park I did arrive at my destination. The time was 09:11. However there was no parking at all and I wasn’t allocated to any of the few precious visitor spots. I went to the barrier to buzz the security chap and ask for alternative parking. First he asked me to try the already full ‘main’ zig zag of a car park. I told him it was full, so he told me to head to the other building a mere 0.3 miles away along the main road I had just come.
There was a security chap in a high viz jacket standing outside there (HighViz1) monitoring incomings/outgoings, and he immediately asked me what I wanted as I pulled in right. He asked me to pull over so we could chat. I enquired about parking, first he told me to go back and park where I originally went (no spaces, remember?!), I repeatedly and firmly told him they were full. He was adamant I couldn’t park anywhere on the site he was ‘guarding’. Then finally he pointed to a car park across the road and slightly to the right and said “park there then”. As I 360’d and pulled towards the main road he shouted “u can’t turn right, you have to go left and turn around”. Absurd.
So I practically drove almost back to the original office just so I could turn around, then I drove back past HighViz1 before turning left into the wonderous sight of a car park with free SPACES. Result. So I quickly parked the car, got my bag out/jacket on/locked the car and made to walk to the office. A loud voice behind me “Hey you can’t park like that”, errrm “Excuse me?” I say to HighViz2withNoHair, he sternly replies “You MUST reverse park you car, your not allowed to park it like that”. Flabbergasted I blurt out a reply “Are you serious?”. “Yes, please reverse park. It is company policy. We get many accidents”.
I was taken aback. I hurriedly jumped back in my car and merely drove it straight forward 20 feet into a free spot which would satisfy HighViz2withNoHair. He then told me to wait for a shuttle bus to take me to the main office. It was 09:44. I waited until 09:56 and had had enough, HighViz2withNoHair had gone AWOL and there was no sign of the magical minibus. I walked out of the car park and across the road to ask HighViz1, he promptly pointed me to a minibus and said “There it is, it will take you where you want to go”. As I proceeded to head diagonally toward it I heard a booming voice from behind. It was HighViz1 “Hey, you must use the pedestrian walkway. Health and safety, you have to walk around”.
This time I stood my ground and decided to ignore him. Living in inner city Birmingham I never did learn how to cross a road properly, did I? I quickly headed to the minibus, only to realise neither of the 2 parked white minibuses were going anywhere. Then I spotted a nearby magical bus ‘stop’ with a timetable printed onto it in font size -8. Next bus @10:05. It was now 10:08. There was a lady waiting, I enquired “Are you heading to the main office”, she was and she also queried the status of the late minibus.
But then, like a phoenix rising a brown mini-van appeared. Yay. Praise be to mini-vans. WE (3 of us) hopped on and 5 minutes later we were finally at the office. A hop off and short walk to Reception. Official arrival time? 10:21.
Walking time from my parked car to Reception? 00:08 minutes. Yup. 8 lousy minutes. IF I had walked at 09:44 I would have got to the office at 09:52. In fact I would have saved a lot more time if I had parked directly there in the first instance. In fact, I would have been in Reception at 09:15 (estimated). A full 1 hour and 6 minutes earlier. Go figure.