[To clarify, this is a SATIRICAL piece based upon the real life ‘Trojan Horse’ investigation of schools in my city. The investigation found there was no plot, or takeover attempt despite how the media insists there was. There was only some limited individual nepotism and mis-management.]
Dear Colleagues in another British City,
IT is with great jubilation that we write to you of our success in taking over 3 of the key NHS Hospitals in Birmingham. Today is a joyous day as Muslims continue to take over the world through the route of modern medicine.
You see, it is actually quite easy to do but it takes years of meticulous planning and thought (and a little bit of brainwashing).
Step 1 – is to takeover Medical schools across the country by getting every single Muslim child to apply for every available undergraduate place to study medicine. First they need a minimum of 3 A’s at A-Level, and one must be in Chemistry – this is where our esteemed colleagues on Trojan Horse have laid the foundations & have had much success.
Step 2 – is to ensure once they graduate they spread across the whole country to obtain their postgrad junior Doctor training, looking for the ideal NHS institutions to takeover. This requires them to collaborate using the secretive Muslamicinternet which is impervious to NSA tracking thanks to our new technical lead, Ed Snowman.
Step 3 – Once you have identified the hospital, give as many of your fellow doctor colleagues a leg in. Once in, start to take over the management teams until one of you becomes the director or chief exec of the relevant hospital or trust.
Step 4 – as soon as you have Executive powers change hospital policy to ‘Muslims Only’, if the local population show dissent you may want to take a more gradual approach by starting with a ‘Muslims first’ policy.
Step 5 – replace all Nursing staff with imported Muslims from places like the Phillipines or Indonesia, fast track their visas
Step 6 – replace all hospital food with only 1 option, roti and curry and sweet rice. Nothing else is allowed. Ensure any Chicken or Meat used is to ‘HMKLGYSTFAPLB’ halal certified standard
Step 7 – replace all the multi-faith rooms, just call them mosques
Step 8 – Ban all male personnel from interacting with all female personnel. Ban male doctors from looking at Xrays, MRIs or CAT scans of any female patients, vice-versa for female doctors. Oh in fact, ban female doctors all together – who needs them?
Step 9 – once you have taken over a single hospital then aim to take over the over-arching Trust or other partner hospitals, oust any non-Muslim GPs within your catchment area and replace them with Muslims. Paint all GP surgeries bright green. It might be easier to start with psychiactric units.
Step 10 – Finally take over the GMC. The Prancing Horse Plot is complete. Pat yourself on the back, drink a cold soda and play some GTA V!
Yours truly, a fellow conspirator who will remain unamed but whose bullshit letter will be taken seriously by narco journalists and politicians.